UCSB  LIBRARY 

•*--'<(>  T3Z. 


THE  PERVERSE  WIDOW  BY 
SIR  RICHARD  STEELE  *  THE 
WIDOW  BY  WASHINGTON 
IRVING  9  ¥  PICTURES  BY 
CECIL  ALDIN  *  PUBLISHED 
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"  Hesrent  infixi  -pectore  vultus" — VIRG. 

IN  my  first  Description  of  the  Company  in 
which  I  pass  most  of  my  Time,  it  may  be 
remembered  that  I  mentioned  a  great  Affliction 
which  my  Friend  Sir  ROGER  had  met  with  in 
his  Youth  ;  which  was  no  less  than  a  Disappoint- 
ment in  Love.  It  happened  this  Evening, 
that  we  fell  into  a  very  pleasing  Walk  at  a 
Distance  from  his  House  :  As  soon  as  we  came 
into  it,  "  It  is,  quoth  the  good  Old  Man, 
looking  round  him  with  a  Smile,  very  hard, 
that'  any  Part  of  my  Land  should  be  settled 

5 


THE     PERVERSE     WIDOW 

upon  one  who  has  used  me  so  ill  as  the  perverse 
Widow  did  ;  and  yet  I  am  sure  I  could  not  see 
a  Sprig  of  any  Bough  of  this  whole  Walk  of 

Trees,  but  I  should 
reflect  upon  her  and 
her  Severity.  She  has 
certainly  the  finest 
Hand  of  any  Woman 
in  the  World.  You 
are  to  know  this  was 
the  Place  wherein  I 
used  to  muse  upon 
her  ;  and  by  that 
Custom  I  can  never 
come  into  it,  but  the 
same  tender  Senti- 
ments revive  in  my 
Mind,  as  if  I  had 
actually  walked  with  that  Beautiful  Creature 
under  these  Shades.  I  have  been  Fool  enough 
to  carve  her  Name  on  the  Bark  of  several  of 
these  Trees  ;  so  unhappy  is  the  Condition  of 
6 


THE     PERVERSE     WIDOW 

Men  in   Love,  to   attempt   the  removing    of 
their  Passion  by  the  Methods  which  serve  only 


to  imprint  it  deeper.      She  has  certainly  the 
finest  Hand  of  any  Woman  in  the  World." 

Here  followed  a  profound  Silence  ;  and  I 
was  not  displeased  to  observe  my  Friend  falling 
so  naturally  into  a  Discourse,  which  I  had 
ever  before  taken  Notice  he  industriously 
avoided.  After  a  very  long  Pause  he  entered 
upon  an  Account  of  this  great  Circumstance  in 

7 


THE     PERVERSE     WIDOW 

his  Life,  with  an  Air  which  I  thought  raised  my 
Idea  of  him  above  what  I  had  ever  had  before  ; 
and  gave  me  the  Picture  of  that  chearful  Mind 
of  his,  before  it  received  that  Stroke  which 
has  ever  since  affected  his  Words  and  Actions. 
But  he  went  on  as  follows. 

"  I  came  to  my  Estate  in  my  Twenty  Second 
Year,  and  resolved  to  follow  the  Steps  of  the 
Most  Worthy  of  my  Ancestors  who  have 
inhabited  this  Spot  of  Earth  before  me,  in  all 
the  Methods  of  Hospitality  and  good  Neigh- 
bourhood, for  the  sake  of  my  Fame  ;  and  in 
Country  Sports  and  Recreations,  for  the  sake 
of  my  Health.  In  my  Twenty  Third  Year  I 
was  obliged  to  serve  as  Sheriff  of  the  County ; 
and  in  my  Servants,  Officers  and  whole  Equipage 
indulged  the  Pleasure  of  a  young  Man  (who 
did  not  think  ill  of  his  own  Person)  in  taking 
that  publick  Occasion  of  showing  my  Figure 
and  Behaviour  to  Advantage.  You  may  easily 
imagine  to  yourself  what  Appearance  I  made, 
who  am  pretty  tall,  rid  well,  and  was  very 
8 


THE     PERVERSE     WIDOW 

well  dressed,  at  the  Head  of  a  whole  County, 
with  Musick  before  me,  a  Feather  in  my  Hat, 
and  my  Horse  well  Bitted.  I  can  assure  you  I 
was  not  a  little  pleased  with  the  kind  Looks  and 
Glances  I  had  from  all  the  Balconies  and  Win- 
dows as  I  rode  to  the  Hall  where  the  Assizes 
were  held.  But  when  I  came  there,  a  Beauti- 
ful Creature  in  a  Widow's  Habit  sat  in  Court 
to  hear  the  Event  of  a  Cause  concerning  her 
Dower.  This  commanding  Creature  (who 
was  born  for  Destruction  of  all  who  behold  her) 
put  on  such  a  Resignation  in  her  Countenance, 
and  bore  the  Whispers  of  all  around  the  Court 
with  such  a  pretty  Uneasiness,  I  warrant  you, 
and  then  recovered  her  self  from  one  Eye  to 
another,  'till  she  was  perjectly  confused  by 
meeting  something  so  wistful  in  all  she  en- 
countered, that  at  last,  with  a  Murrain  to  her, 
she  cast  her  bewitching  Eye  upon  me.  I  no 
sooner  met  it,  but  I  bowed  like  a  great  surprized 
Booby  ;  and  knowing  her  Cause  to  be  the 
first  which  came  on,  I  cried,  like  a  Captivated 

B  9 


THE     PERVERSE     WIDOW 

Calf  as  I  was,  Make  way  for  the  Defendant's 
Witnesses.  This  sudden  Partiality  made  all 
the  County  immediately  see  the  Sheriff  also 


was  become  a  Slave  to  the  fine  Widow.  Dur- 
ing the  Time  her  Cause  was  upon  Tryal,  she 
behaved  herself,  I  warrant  you,  with  such  a 
deep  Attention  to  her  Business,  took  Oppor- 
tunities to  have  little  Billets  handed  to  her 
Council,  then  would  be  in  such  a  pretty  Con- 
fusion, occasioned,  you  must  know,  by  acting 


10 


THE     PERVERSE     WIDOW 

before  so  much  Company,  that  not  only  I  but 
the  whole  Court  was  prejudiced  in  her  Favour  ; 
and  all  that  the  next  Heir  to  her  Husband  had 


to  urge,  was  thought  so  groundless  and  frivolous, 
that  when  it  came  to  her  Council  to  reply, 
there  was  not  half  so  much  said  as  every  one 
besides  in  the  Court  thought  he  could  have 
urged  to  her  Advantage.  You  must  under- 
stand, Sir,  this  perverse  Woman  is  one  of  those 


ii 


THE     PERVERSE     WIDOW 

unaccountable  Creatures,  that  secretly  rejoice 
in  the  Admiration  of  Men,  but  indulge  them- 
selves in  no  further  Consequences.  Hence 
it  is  that  she  has  ever  had  a  Train  of  Admirers, 
and  she  removes  from  her  Slaves  in  Town  to 
those  in  the  Country,  according  to  the  Seasons 
of  the  Year.  She  is  a  reading  Lady,  and  far 
gone  in  the  Pleasures  of  Friendship  ;  She  is 
always  accompanied  by  a  Confident,  who  is 
Witness  to  her  daily  Protestations  against  our 
Sex,  and  consequently  a  Bar  to  her  first  Steps 
towards  Love,  upon  the  Strength  of  her  own 
Maxims  and  Declarations. 

"  However,  I  must  needs  say  this  accom- 
plished Mistress  of  mine  has  distinguished  me 
above  the  rest,  and  has  been  known  to  declare 
Sir  ROGER  DE  COVERLET  was  the  Tamest  and 
most  Human  of  all  the  Brutes  in  the  Country. 
I  was  told  she  said  so,  by  one  who  thought  he 
rallied  me  ;  but  upon  the  Strength  of  this 
slender  Encouragement,  of  being  thought  least 
destestable,  I  made  new  Liveries,  new  paired 

12 


THE     PERVERSE     WIDOW 

my  Coach-Horses,  sent  them  all  to  Town  to 
be  bitted,  and  taught  to  throw  their  Legs  well, 
and  move  all  together,  before  I  pretended  to 


cross  the  Country  and  wait  upon  her.  As 
soon  as  I  thought  my  Retinue  suitable  to  the 
Character  of  my  Fortune  and  Youth,  I  set  out 
from  hence  to  make  my  Addresses.  The 
particular  Skill  of  this  Lady  has  ever  been  to 
inflame  your  Wishes,  and  yet  command  Respect. 
To  make  her  Mistress  of  this  Art,  she  has  a 

13 


THE     PERVERSE     WIDOW 

greater  Share  of  Knowledge,  Wit,  and  good 
Sense,  than  is  usual  even  among  Men  of  Merit. 
Then  she  is  beautiful  beyond  the  Race  of 
Women.  If  you  won't  let  her  go  on  with  a 
certain  Artifice  with  her  Eyes,  and  the  skill  of 
Beauty,  she  will  arm  her  self  with  her  real 
Charms,  and  strike  you  with  Admiration  instead 
of  Desire.  It  is  certain  that  if  you  were  to 
behold  the  whole  Woman,  there  is  that  Dignity 
in  her  Aspect,  that  Composure  in  her  Motion, 
that  Complacency  in  her  Manner,  that  if  her 
Form  makes  you  hope,  her  Merit  makes  you 
fear.  But  then  again,  she  is  such  a  desperate 
Scholar,  that  no  Country-Gentleman  can  ap- 
proach her  without  being  a  Jest.  As  I  was 
going  to  tell  you,  when  I  came  to  her  House  I 
was  admitted  to  her  Presence  with  great 
Civility  ;  at  the  same  time  she  placed  her  self 
to  be  first  seen  by  me  in  such  an  Attitude,  as  I 
think  you  call  the  Posture  of  a  Picture,  that 
she  discovered  new  Charms,  and  I  at  last  came 
towards  her  with  such  an  Awe  as  made  me 


THE     PERVERSE     WIDOW 


Speechless.  This  she  no  sooner  observed  but 
she  made  her  Advantage  of  it,  and  began  a 
Discourse  to  me  concerning  Love  and  Honour, 
as  they  both  are  followed  by  Pretenders,  and 
the  real  Votaries  to  them.  When  she  had 
discussed  these  Points  in  a  Discourse,  which  I 
verily  believe  was  as  learned  as  the  best  Philo- 
sopher in  Europe  could  possibly  make,  she  asked 
me  whether  she  was  so  happy  as  to  fall  in  with 
my  Sentiments  on  these  important  Particulars. 
Her  Confident  sat  by  her,  and  upon  my  being 
in  the  last  Confusion  and  Silence,  this  malicious 
Aid  of  hers,  turning  to  her,  says,  I  am  very  glad 
to  observe  Sir  ROGER  pauses  upon  this  Subject, 
and  seems  resolved  to  deliver  all  his  Sentiments 

15 


THE     PERVERSE     WIDOW 

upon  the  matter  when  he  pleases  to  speak. 
They  both  kept  their  Countenances,  and  after 
I  had  sat  half  an  Hour  meditating  how  to 
behave  before  such  profound  Casuists,  I  rose 
up  and  took  my  Leave.  Chance  has  since 
that  time  thrown  me  very  often  in  her  Way, 
and  she  as  often  has  directed  a  Discourse  to  me 
which  I  do  not  understand.  This  Barbarity 
has  kept  me  ever  at  a  Distance  from  the  most 
beautiful  Object  my  eyes  ever  beheld.  It  is 
thus  also  she  deals  with  all  Mankind,  and  you 
must  make  Love  to  her,  as  you  would  conquer 
the  Sphinx,  by  posing  her.  But  were  she  like 
other  Women,  and  that  there  were  any  talking 
to  her,  how  constant  must  the  Pleasure  of  that 
Man  be,  who  could  converse  with  a  Creature — 
But,  after  all,  you  may  be  sure  her  Heart  is 
fixed  on  some  one  or  other  ;  and  yet  I  have 
been  credibly  inform'd  ;  but  who  can  believe 
half  what  is  said  !  After  she  had  done  speaking 
to  me,  she  put  her  Hand  to  her  Bosom,  and 
adjusted  her  Tucker.  Then  she  cast  her  eyes  a 
16 


THE     PERVERSE     WIDOW 

little  down,  upon  my  beholding  her  too 
earnestly.  They  say  she  sings  excellently  : 
her  Voice  in  her  ordinary  Speech  has  something 
in  it  inexpressibly  sweet.  You  must  know  I 
dined  with  her  at  a  Publick  Table  the  Day 
after  I  first  saw  her,  and  she  helped  me  to  some 
Tansy  in  the  Eye  of  all  the  Gentlemen  in  the 
Country  :  She  has  certainly  the  finest  Hand 
of  any  Woman  in  the  World.  I  can  assure  you, 
Sir,  were  you  to  behold  her,  you  would  be  in 
the  same  Condition  ;  for  as  her  Speech  is 
Musick,  her  Form  is  Angelick.  But  I  find  I 
grow  irregular  while  I  am  talking  of  her  :  but 
indeed  it  would  be  Stupidity  to  be  unconcerned 
at  such  Perfection.  Oh  the  excellent  Creature, 
she  is  as  inimitable  to  all  Women,  as  she  is 
inaccessible  to  all  Men." 

I  found  my  Friend  begin  to  rave,  and  in- 
sensibly led  him  towards  the  House,  that  we 
might  be  joined  by  some  other  Company ; 
and  am  convinced  that  the  Widow  is  the  secret 
Cause  of  all  that  Inconsistency  which  appears 
it 


THE     PERVERSE     WIDOW 

in  some  Parts  of  my  Friend's  Discourse  ;  tho' 
he  has  so  much  Command  of  himself  as  not 
directly  to  mention  her,  yet  according  to  that 
of  Martial,  which  one  knows  not  how  to  render 
in  English,  Dum  tacet  bane  loquitur.  I  shall 
end  this  Paper  with  that  whole  Epigram,  which 
represents  with  much  Humour  my  honest 
Friend's  Condition. 

"  Quicquid  agit  Rufus,  nihil  est  nisi  Ntevia  Rufo  : 

Si  gaudet,  si  flet,  si  tacet,  hanc  loquitur  : 
Caenat,  propinat,  poscit,  negat,  annuit,  una  est 

Neevia  :  si  non  sit  N&via,  mutus  erit. 
Scriberet  hesterna  -patri  cum  luce  salutem, 
Ncevia  lux,  inquit,  N&via  numen,  ave" 

"  Let  Rufus  weep,  rejoice,  stand,  sit,  or  walk, 
Still  he  can  nothing  but  of  Ncevia  talk  ; 
Let  him  eat,  drink,  ask  Questions,  or  dispute, 
Still  he  must  speak  of  N&via,  or  be  mute. 
He  writ  to  his  Father,  ending  with  this  Line, 
I  am,  my  Lovely  Ncevia,  ever  thine.       R. 


" 


ME  Vf»O>« 


THE    WIDOW 

"  She  was  so  charitable  and  pitious 
She  would  wee-p  if  that  she  saw  a  mous 
Caught  in  a  tra-p,  if  it  were  dead  or  bled : 
Of  small  hounds  had  she,  that  she  fed 
With  rost  flesh,  milke,  and  wastel  bread, 
But  sore  weft  she  if  any  of  them  were  dead, 
Or  if  man  smote  them  with  a  yard  smart" 

CHAUCER. 

NOTWITHSTANDING  the  whimsical  parade  made 
by  Lady  Lillycraft  on  her  arrival,  she  has 
none  of  the  petty  stateliness  that  I  had 
imagined ;  but,  on  the  contrary,  she  has  a 
degree  of  nature  and  simple-heartedness,  if 
I  may  use  the  phrase,  that  mingles  well  with 
her  old-fashioned  manners  and  harmless  osten- 
tation. She  dresses  in  rich  silks,  with  long 
waist ;  she  rouges  considerably,  and  her  hair, 
which  is  nearly  white,  is  frizzled  out,  and  put 

23 


THE     WIDOW 


up  with  pins.  Her  face  is  pitted  with  the 
small-pox,  but  the  delicacy  of  her  features 
shows  that  she  may  once  have  been  beautiful ; 
and  she  has  a  very  fair  and  well-shaped  hand 
and  arm,  of  which,  if  I  mistake  not,  the  good 
lady  is  still  a  little  vain. 

I  have  had  the  curiosity  to  gather  a  few 
particulars  concerning  her.  She  was  a  great 
belle  in  town  between  thirty  and  forty  years 
since,  and  reigned  for  two  seasons  with  all  the 
insolence  of  beauty,  refusing  several  excellent 
offers ;  when,  unfortunately,  she  was  robbed  of 
her  charms  and  her  lovers  by  an  attack  of  the 
small-pox.  She  retired  immediately  into  the 
country,  where  she  some  time  afterwards 
inherited  an  estate,  and  married  a  baronet, 
a  former  admirer,  whose  passion  had  suddenly 
revived  ;  "  having,"  as  he  said,  "  always  loved 
her  mind  rather  than  her  person." 

The  baronet  did  not  enjoy  her  mind  and 
fortune  above  six  months,  and  had  scarcely 
grown  very  tired  of  her,  when  he  broke  his 
24 


TH  E     WIDOW 


neck  in  a  fox-chase  and  left  her  free,  rich,  and 
disconsolate.  She  has  remained  on  her  estate 
in  the  country  ever  since,  and  has  never  shown 
any  desire  to  return  to  town 
and  revisit  the  scene  of  her 
early  triumphs  and  fatal 
malady.  All  her  favourite 
recollections,  however,  revert 
to  that  short  period  of  her 
youthful  beauty.  She  has  no 
idea  of  town  but  as  it  was  at 
that  time,  and  continually 
forgets  that  the  place  and 
people  must  have  changed 
materially  in  the  course  of  , 
nearly  half  a  century.  She  k 
will  often  speak  of  the  toasts 
of  those  days  as  if  still 
reigning ;  and,  until  very  recently,  used 
to  talk  with  delight  of  the  royal  family  and 
the  beauty  of  the  young  princes  and  princesses. 
She  cannot  be  brought  to  think  of  the  present 

D  25 


m 


TH  E     WIDOW 


king  otherwise  than  as  an  elegant  young  man, 
rather  wild,  but  who  danced  a  minuet  divinely  ; 
and  before  he  came  to  the  crown,  would  often 
mention  him  as  the  "  sweet  young  prince." 

She  talks  also  of  the  walks  in  Kensington 
Gardens,  where  the  gentlemen  appeared  in 
gold-laced  coats  and  cocked  hats,  and  the 
ladies  in  hoops,  and  swept  so  proudly  along 
the  grassy  avenues  ;  and  she  thinks  the  ladies 
let  themselves  sadly  down  in  their  dignity 
when  they  gave  up  cushioned  head-dresses 
and  high-heeled  shoes.  She  has  much  to  say, 
too,  of  the  officers  who  were  in  the  train  of 
her  admirers  ;  and  speaks  familiarly  of  many 
wild  young  blades  that  are  now  perhaps 
hobbling  about  watering-places  with  crutches 
and  gouty  shoes. 

Whether  the  taste  the  good  lady  had  of 
matrimony  discouraged  her  or  not,  I  cannot 
say ;  but  though  her  merits  and  her  riches 
have  attracted  many  suitors,  she  has  never  been 
tempted  to  venture  again  into  the  happy 
26 


THE     WIDOW 


state.  This  is  singular,  too,  for  she  seems  of 
a  most  soft  and  susceptible  heart ;  is  always 
talking  of  love  and  connubial  felicity ;  and 
is  a  great  stickler  for  old-fashioned  gallantry, 
devoted  attentions,  and  eternal  constancy 
on  the  part  of  the  gentlemen.  She  lives, 
however,  after  her  own  taste.  Her  house  I 
am  told,  must  have  been  built  and  furnished 
about  the  time  of  Sir  Charles  Grandison  : 
everything  about  it  is  somewhat  formal  and 
stately,  but  has  been  softened  down  into  a 
degree  of  voluptuousness  characteristic  of  an 
old  lady  very  tender-hearted  and  romantic, 
and  that  loves  her  ease.  The  cushions  of  the 
great  arm-chairs  and  wide  sofas  almost  bury 
you  when  you  sit  down  on  them.  Flowers 
of  the  most  rare  and  delicate  kind  are  placed 
about  the  rooms  and  on  little  japanned  stands ; 
and  sweet-bags  lie  about  the  tables  and  mantel- 
pieces. The  house  is  full  of  pet  dogs,  Angola 
cats,  and  singing  birds,  who  are  as  carefully 
waited  upon  as  she  is  herself. 

27 


THE     WIDOW 


She  is  dainty  in  her  living,  and  a  little  of 
an  epicure,  living  on  white  meats  and  little 
lady-like  dishes,  though  her  servants  have 
substantial  old  English  fare,  as  their  looks  bear 
witness.  Indeed  they  are  so  indulged  that 
they  are  all  spoiled,  and  when  they  lose  their 
present  place  they  will  be  fit  for  no  other. 
Her  ladyship  is  one  of  those  easy-tempered 
beings  that  are  always  doomed  to  be  much 
liked,  but  ill-served  by  their  domestics,  and 
cheated  by  all  the  world. 

Much  of  her  time  is  passed  in  reading  novels, 
of  which  she  has  a  most  extensive  library,  and 
has  a  constant  supply  from  the  publishers  in 
town.  Her  erudition  in  this  line  of  literature 
is  immense  ;  she  has  kept  pace  with  the  press 
for  half  a  century.  Her  mind  is  stuffed  with 
love-tales  of  all  kinds,  from  the  stately  amours 
of  the  old  books  of  chivalry  down  to  the  last 
blue-covered  romance  reeking  from  the  press ; 
though  she  evidently  gives  the  preference  to 
those  that  came  out  in  the  days  of  her  youth, 
28 


THE     WIDOW 


and  when  she  was  first  in  love.  She  maintains 
that  there  are  no  novels  written  nowadays 
equal  to  "  Pamela  "  and  "  Sir  Charles  Grandi- 
son  "  ;  and  she  places  the  "  Castle  of  Otranto  " 
at  the  head  of  all  romances. 

She  does  a  vast  deal  of  good  in  her  neighbour- 
hood, and  is  imposed  upon  by  every  beggar 
in  the  county.  She  is  the  benefactress  of  a 
village  adjoining  to  her  estate,  and  takes  a 
special  interest  in  all  its  love  affairs.  She 
knows  of  every  courtship  that  is  going  on  ; 
every  love-lorn  damsel  is  sure  to  find  a  patient 
listener  and  a  sage  adviser  in  her  ladyship. 
She  takes  great  pains  to  reconcile  all  love 
quarrels,  and  should  any  faithless  swain  persist 
in  his  inconstancy,  he  is  sure  to  draw  on  him- 
self the  good  lady's  violent  indignation. 

I  have  learned  these  particulars  partly  from 
Frank  Bracebridge  and  partly  from  Master 
Simon.  I  am  now  able  to  account  for  the 
assiduous  attention  of  the  latter  to  her  lady- 
ship. Her  house  is  one  of  his  favourite  resorts, 

29 


THE     WIDOW 


where  he  is  a  very  important  personage.  He 
makes  her  a  visit  of  business  once  a  year, 
when  he  looks  into  all  her  affairs ;  which,  as 


she  is  no  manager,  are  apt  to  get  into  confusion. 
He  examines  the  books  of  the  overseer,  and 
shoots  about  the  estate,  which,  he  says,  is  well 
stocked  with  game,  notwithstanding  that  it  is 
poached  by  all  the  vagabonds  in  the  neighbour- 
hood. 

It  is  thought,  as  I  before  hinted,  that  the 
captain  will  inherit  the  greater  part  of  her 


THE     WIDOW 


property,  having  always  been  her  chief  favourite, 
for,  in  fact,  she  is  partial  to  a  red  coat.  She 
has  now  come  to  the  Hall  to  be  present  at  his 
nuptials,  having  a  great  disposition  to  interest 
herself  in  all  matters  of  love  and  matrimony. 


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